I remember
lying on my bedroom floor
watching the fan encircle me for hours
I remember
watching the sunlight cascade into the window
onto my sprawled-out body
I remember
forcing myself to look at the
light, forcing myself to hope
I remember
looking up for the sky but
finding only a bland ceiling
I remember
discovering a swan within me,
waiting to expose her wings -
all I needed was sky.

Dreamt a Life

[snipped due to overly personal content]

It always takes me while to realize I am alive
I am alive
I am awake
I am ready to dream my genesis
I am reday to unfold before your eyes- you'll be amazed at my undertones of splendor
I am ready to become what I am - no excess -
no dissonance - no denial - no shadow (I'll float high above the sun)
I am ready for hope to be implanted in me
I am ready to close my eyes and be able to open them without effort - unblurred vision
The soft illusion unpredictably sharpens....
I am ready to crush it.


Birth --
I have changed since then.
Since I first knew my skin.
Since I recognized the pulse of my heart.
I have changed.
Since I discovered my intelligence.
Since I first tried to believe in myself.
First trusted myself.
It has changed - my life.
I have differed in myself, I have changed.
My skin has changed - growth -
My heartbeat has slowed/softened - age -
I have changed.
Since I learned about this - my ephemeral
body, my polymorphous self.
Since I found my strength, found my voice.

My only challenge- stay the same.

I will change.
When I allow myself to love.
When I reach out to help, when I reach out for help.
When I fail to overcome weaknesses.
When I decide who I am - who I ultimately want to be.
I will change
when I truly live - no fear.
I will change when the music comes,
when my voice strengthens/sweetens.
When I cry with real sorrow
my life will change
if I can change it.
When I screw it up, it will change.
When I try to repair it.
When I create my image by piling on my cast-off reflections of the past.
When I can't pour wyself back into the shell from which
I will emerge.

Back for more...