Selfish Revelations

You come to me almost whining close to tears
and tell me the latest news
expecting me to jump back
take it all in with my scrutinizing eye
size it up
and fix it all.
Your confessions sadden me
I wish I could help you with reconciliation
I wish I could give you penance
I wish I could make it all better
But when the truth comes out
you'll realize that
I can't do anything but listen.
Maybe that's all you want...
I can sympathize with you
about things I don't understand
I can give you my support
I can give you a reassuring smile
But I can't fix it all.
And I'm sorry - I apologize -
I'm sorry that you ask but don't receive
I'm sorry that I ask myself why I even bother
because I need a confidant as much as you do
And you're not there for me
so I've avoided your watering eyes
your problems that I can't solve.
Am I selfish?
You expect so much and give nothing
All I need is an acknowledging glance.
Do I ask so much?
I'm sorry - I apologize -
I'm sorry that I have problems too
I'm sorry that I don't have enough time for you
I'm sorry that your sad words are too much for me to bear
I'm sorry you never undertand me
I'm sorry you never hear.

--Written 6/14/98 (9:27 pm) after a nightmarish conversation that did not seem to end no matter what I did.


Staring at the world around me
Stopping only to wonder why nothing is natural
We mow our lawns to get rid of
excess baggage
to make our environment somehow
We shave until our skin feels smooth and nice
to the touch
We wear sunglasses to protect ourselves
from the glory of the sun and to feel
a little more suave
We eat synthetic food - fat-free -
to make ourselves feel better when we eat
more than we should.
As a human race we have evolved
into something undeniably inhuman
worried only about the silver coins and
crisp bills that control our lives and ambitions
consumer-friendly easy-to-use
but not easily accessible.
When we are looking for romance,
we rent the latest movie instead of
looking to the stars ---- too much pollution
not only in the air
our minds are polluted as well
with towering statistics
with controlled beliefs
It's a system in which we are essential
Without the so-called little people,
there would be nothing natural left.
But we are still evolving
the world still revolves
and is filled with revolvers.
We have rid ourselves of all the good
we are born with.
Some of us like to be challenged;
the rest give up and worsen the situation as
we lose belief in ourselves
We have already lost virtue
When there is nothing else to say,
we can be content to listen to
the "misunderstandings" of others
who scream and argue as a way of life.
Maybe our eyes will open one day --until then, what is left?

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